20 - In pursuit of the next breath

..and the next step, the next mile, the next aid station. A 2023 CIM Race Report

In this post:

• my first time not PR-ing in the marathon
• also first race with no time goal

Race Info

• Name: California International Marathon
• Date: December 3, 2023
• Distance: Marathon, 26.2 miles
• Location: Sacramento California
• Finish Time: 3:38:13
• Pace: 8:20/mi (5:10/km)

• Overall Placement: 3822 out of 9224
• All Male: 2679 of 5539
• Male 25 to 29: 475 of 767

Goals

No time goals for this race. Just the following two intentions:

1. Run a controlled race
2. Survive

I knew going into CIM that I would be racing less fit than when I raced the Eugene Marathon in April. That was a reality I sat with for the month leading up to CIM, so I had a lot of time to internalize that fact and figure out what goals I could reasonably set for myself. 

I used my workouts and a tune-up race to measure my fitness along the way. A successful 20-mile workout affirmed that I had enough aerobic fitness and strength in my muscles and joints to finish 26.2. During successive interval workouts, I was able to hit paces that were set based on my Eugene finishing time. My final data point was from running the Santa Clarita Half Marathon as a tune-up and eking out a small PR of 1:36:00. The Race Equivalency Calculator from lukehumphreyrunning.com equates this performance to a 7:38/mi average pace for the marathon for a total time of 3:20:09. 

This was validating, but it wasn’t enough to stake my expectations for race day on it. The key factors making me hesitant to extrapolate my half marathon performance to the full length of a marathon was the absence of longer long runs, long tempo workouts, and higher base mileage. I didn’t feel fit to race at that pace for that distance. Ultimately, I settled firm on the intention to race to my current fitness. Really, this is the intention I would have at any race regardless of distance or whatever judgments I carry about my perceived fitness, but this allowed me to forget time as a goal.

With this intention in mind, I was resolved to trust myself in-race to feel out what marathon effort should feel like and anchor to that feeling for the entirety of the race. 

Fueling Strategy

No major changes here! Drink Mix and banana prior to the race and a gel every 3 miles. I did switch the positions of the caffeinated Maurten gel and Huma Chia Plus gel in my rotation. I thought this would ensure I got electrolytes in earlier and got the caffeine boost later when I would need it more.

Pre-Race:

• Tea
• Banana
• Maurten Drink Mix 320
• Inhaler - Albuterol Sulfate (to stave off exercise-induced asthma. Its actual effects shouldn’t even last up to the start line, but it’s a nice easy placebo for me)

In-Race

1. Maurten GEL 100 - Mile 3
2. Huma Chia Energy Gel Plus - Mile 6
3. Maurten GEL 100 CAF 100 - Mile 9
4. Gu (from aid station) - Mile 12
5. Maurten GEL 100 - Mile 15
6. Huma Chia Energy Gel Plus - Mile 18
7. Maurten GEL 100 CAF 100 - Mile 21
8. Gu (from aid station) - Mile 24

For water and electrolytes, I picked up both water and Nuun electrolyte drink at every single aid station. Each station had the Nuun placed before the water, so I’d grab the Nuun first, take a couple swigs, then toss the cup. Then I’d grab the water, take a small swig, and dump the remaining water over my head, on my chest, and then on my back if there was enough left. Pete Pfitzinger describes a good method for picking up aid station cups to minimize spillage and reducing risk of missing/dropping cups, and that’s been working flawlessly. In summary, that consists of singling out and pointing at an aid station volunteer, making eye contact, grabbing the cup from the top by pinching it, and then taking small sips from the pinched corner. 

Kit

No major changes here either! Minor changes to note are no arm sleeves or calf sleeves. Race day weather was slightly warmer than expected. Last year I slipped my arm sleeves off at the half marathon mark. 

• Shoes: Nike ZoomX Vaporfly Next% 2 - my third pair of VF2’s! Been very reliable for me. I would like to switch it up for future races though.
• Singlet: Nike Dri-FIT ADV AeroSwift - lightweight, airy singlet
• Half Tights: Nike Trail Lava Loops - lots of pockets to carry my phone and all my gels securely. I used to use a flip belt with 3” split shorts, but I tried that on a recent run and it felt sloppy. 
• Gloves: New Balance Gloves - good for the chilly mornings. I dropped them after the halfway mark as the weather warmed up.
• Underwear: Uniqlo AIRism Ultra Seamless Boxer Briefs - running shorts typically have a liner, and mine does. I just like to wear underwear also. Never had chafing issues with these!
• Socks: Bandit  Lite Run Quarter Socks - second race in these; Santa Clarita was my first. Nice lightweight durable sock. I used to use Darn Toughs, but I’m liking these more. 
• Headband: BUFF DryFlx Headband - the only headband I’ve found that can tame my hair without squeezing too hard or slipping off. This goes with me on every single run
• Earbuds: Apple AirPods 3 - these do a fine job staying in my ears tucked under my headband. I used to use one of those Shokz bone conduction headphones, but those felt fatiguing to listen through on longer runs, and they don’t fit so well under a headband. ALSO these died on me when I was a mile out from the finish!! More motivation to run faster next time..
• Playlist: My “Half Marathon” playlist - mostly handpicks of Kanye through the ages, and then some of my feel-good go-tos, and a Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco album. I made this for the first half marathon in 2018 and haven’t touched it since, and I’ve used it for nearly every race I’ve run. Also the Sunburn album by Dominic Fike

Training Block Reflection and Pre-Race

My “19 - 1 week out from CIM” blog post covered most of my thoughts about the training block. In short, it was very inconsistent. In the 14 weeks leading up, I averaged 33.3 miles per week and peaked at 49.3 miles. For reference, I averaged 43.2 miles per week during Eugene prep and peaked at 64.5 miles. Overall I was less fit, but I did have some good indicators that I could complete the distance. Those were primarily my single 20-miler, the tune-up Santa Clarita Half Marathon, and a solid hilly long tempo run around the UCLA perimeter. 

In the week prior to the race, I wanted to ensure I got adequate nutrition and rest. Carb loading went pretty smoothly and as planned! Filipino spaghetti, King’s Hawaiian rolls, and fried rice remained staples in my carb regimen. Stress was harder to keep at bay since it was performance review season at work, and I had to get all my employees’ performance write-ups submitted before race weekend. I got into Sacramento Thursday morning, giving me plenty of time to get settled in before Sunday’s race. I spent all of Thursday drafting the reviews, but after that I was free to savor race weekend. 

Since CIM’s my yearly “A” race, I like to pamper myself a bit. Where it might be more typical to arrive to the race location on the day before the race, I gave myself those extra days to get comfortable and smoothen out any franticness that could arise during race weekend. This weekend was also more special since I had my sister and a few good friends drive or fly in to support! Having them around helped ease my anxious mind and just focus on being relaxed and enjoying myself prior to the race. We shared meals, went to the race expo, and even shared some miles to get my legs started up in anticipation of the race. 

Going to the race expo early on Friday to pick up my bib and grab merch gave me peace of mind that I got that business taken care of. On Saturday morning I woke early to simulate my race morning routine and then went to a Bandit pop-up to grab more CIM merch before heading over to the Kofuzi Run Club shakeout run. After the shakeout, the only things left on my agenda were the Relay panel with Matt Chittim, Kofuzi, and Peter Bromka at the race expo, followed by more fried rice for dinner. I put myself in bed a little after 8pm with my morning alarm set for 3am but found myself still awake past 10pm. I didn’t feel particularly anxious, just not tired. Eventually I was able to force my eyes shut.

On Sunday morning, I dutifully woke up at 3am. I was surprisingly rested for having slept only 4-5 hours, and I coasted through my race morning routine of stretching, making tea, eating a banana, journaling and meditating, pooping and reading Peter Bromka's “The Marathon doesn’t owe you anything”, and drinking Maurten before heading out the door for the shuttles at 4:15. 

In line for the shuttle is where I met Kevin, a nice older Asian man. One of the beautiful things of race morning is how familiar strangers can seem. Everyone’s there for the same reason, and every one shares a similar journey in getting there. As we boarded the bus, Kevin and I shared our goals, strategies, running histories, and backgrounds. He was chatty, and that helped me to be in the moment and to not get anxious about the race. The lengthy bus ride underscored just how long our race would be, and Kevin and I shared our surprise at the seemingly endless journey. 

Finally, the bus came to a stop, and it was time to deboard, make a stop at the porta potties, and warm up. 

CIM boasts the greatest ratio of participants to porta potties—something like 1 porta potty for every 30 runners, and there were over 10,000 runners! 

Warm-Up

Kevin and I had similar pace expectations, so we decided to stick together up through race start. About 30 minutes prior to the start, we started our warm-up with a half mile jog. I like to start my warm-up with a jog, so I can get my legs moving and see if there are any areas of tightness that I should focus on. There wasn’t a ton of space to jog around, so we joined a pack of runners who were circling a parking lot. After that was dynamic stretches and then another short jog. This time I didn’t do any strides to finish the warm-up, but I don’t think that would’ve made much difference. 

Strategy and Mile-by-mile

As the starting time approached, Kevin and I settled into our corrals based on an anticipated finish time of 3:30. It’s always fun to look around at the start line; some people are super social and chatty and others appear silent and laser-focused. Also lots of fun to look down and scope out other people’s shoes. Lots of fluorescence this year!

The gun went off, and crossing the start line was my commitment to race the next 26.2 miles. Kevin and I took off side-by-side. I had decided I’d run “conservatively” at an 8-minute/mi pace, so we were trailing the 3:30 pacer. I’d feel that out for the first 10 miles and then based on how I felt, I’d either hold the pace or push on harder. The pace felt about right for me, but Kevin noted his heart rate rising faster than intended and dialed back shortly after the first mile marker. 

This year I was a lot more conscious of CIM’s hilly course. While it’s a net downhill, the early hills can beat up your legs and siphon off energy that will be crucial in later stages of the race. I took each hill conservatively and noticed other runners passing me as they chased each uphill. I’d recover those spots on the downhills.

This was the tone for most of the race. By mile 10, I was still sustaining around 8-minute pace, but it felt like I was working at the upper end of my marathon effort range. I dialed back just a bit and found myself at ~8:15 pace. As the miles ticked on, I just stayed true to the effort. I focused on my breathing.

Each breath felt urgent. With each breath, my lungs and body urged for another. With each breath, I rediscovered the full capacity of my lungs. And with each breath, I felt a little disappointment at that capacity. I wanna say it didn’t feel too hard, but it also felt just slightly desperate. I reasoned this was still within the upper end of my range for marathon effort.

The breaths, the steps, the mile markers, the aid station cups and scrunched up gel wrappers. Each of them became different measures in my mind. All of them like different clocks ticking toward the finish line. 15 miles down? Just over 11 to go. That was my 5th gel? Gonna consume at least 3 more before I see the finish. The anxiety that a ticking clock can conjure was akin to what I was feeling with all of these clocks running through my mind at different cadences. The question that consumed my mind was Which clock would run out first? Hopefully the distance. 

Regardless, the motions were the same. As the mile markers ticked up into the 20’s, I became tempted to walk. Little tremors in my left quad opened up that curiosity. Maybe I could stop and stretch, like I did last year and the year before? My mind flashed back to those walking and stretch breaks. At the same time and as each mile marker materialized, I realized that this was the furthest I had run the CIM course without stopping and walking. I opted to slow my pace rather than bring myself to a stop. 

It’s common for people to liken running a marathon to getting slowly boiled. It’s a little uncomfortable at first and then it stays uncomfortable longer and longer until you start to find discomfort in the discomfort itself. I felt myself fading. All too familiar from the previous times I’ve run CIM. The last couple miles were just a trance of me asking myself when it’d end and how much longer it would be and then resolving to just keep running. Repeat.

In the last 0.3 miles or so, I got tired of grinding and just tried to pick my feet up and surge through the finish. The quad and calf twitches that threatened to cramp finally made true on their promise as I made my clunky sprint to the finish line.

Post-Race

After I crossed the line, I paused my watch and snapped a quick pic of it. I didn’t think too much of my finishing time, mostly because I wasn’t looking to compare it with anything. The time I raced is the time I raced.

This is probably the most objective I’ve ever been about my race result. Knowing that I wouldn’t PR gave me this weird peace. I knew that if I ran to my fitness, then I will have done all that I need to do that day. The time on the clock is just the time on the clock. This really is no different from previous races, but I think it took this particular kind of race to really make that idea sink in.

I paced through the finisher area, picking up my medal and all the freebies along the way, until I made it to my cheer squad. Look at the cute signs they made!! We took a few pics and then made the hobbly walk back to the hotel to massage and shower. I think I spent the rest of the day in a kind of matter of fact huh, yeah I did run the marathon mood. 

That’s persisted since. In previous races I’ve always had a clearer measure of success, usually based on time. Even though I defined my goals beforehand, it’s still been hard to fully own and appreciate them. Oo as I’m writing this I notice I’m feeling a little tense. I’d like to say I’m proud, and I mostly am! Just not 100% there yet. I think I’m satisfied.

Looking Ahead

It’s been two weeks since the marathon, and yesterday I ran my first run since the race. I’m now running without a coach (my coach is refocusing for his professional career) and without a training plan. For now I want to build consistency in running and build practice in doing strength and other support work. Marathoning is still the dream, but I want to take time and care to stoke that inner flame. I have my fingers crossed to check off my ultramarathon effort for this year (and trying really hard not to force it), and then I think I’ll try out low heart-rate training at the start of 2024.

I’m also starting to piece together my race schedule for next year! I’m registered for the Las Vegas Rock n Roll Half Marathon (2/25) and CIM (12/8), and I’m eyeing the Everest Marathon (5/29) and the Las Vegas Marathon (11/3). 

To wrap up, overall intention going forward is to press on the marathoning dream and to love every step of it!